through a glass darkly

it's all just a little bit of history repeating why is it that i can't let go of my past? i try to be happy with my life now, but some problems just refuse to give up. sure, things are a lot better than they were a few years ago... yet i still feel utterly alone. the one event that managed to break through that feeling was all too brief and even though it's over and done, i can't shake the after effects. the mere sight of any couple is like a knife in my heart. does that make me weird? probably, and not in a good way. my life feels like walking through the ocean along the shore. every day i have to persuade myself to keep moving when what i want is some company for the journey. other people caused sorrow in my life, but in the end, i think it's all my fault. yeah, i got teased when i was little. stupidly. all because of one little bad habit that i couldn't break. and i wonder why... my mind is frozen. my soul is weak. my heart is breaking. i am alone. there is no help.