through a glass darkly

why? sometimes i wonder why i bother to go on. there's too much pain in life. people tell you that it will get better. i believed that once, but it never really does. it just goes from one loneliness to the next. i wish i could just go to sleep and not have to get up in the morning. ... on second thought, there's not much intelligent commentary I can add to this topic. good night.

hail, caeser mmm, russell crowe. i forgot just how damn cool gladiator is. not to mention how gorgeous mr. crowe is. (hmm, he has the same last name as me. maybe it's a sign?) and next weekend, i'm heading out to see hannibal. can't wait, anthony hopkins is just too damn good. now i need to figure out how i'm going to get to sleep. i took way too long of a nap this afternoon.

it's all just a little bit of history repeating why is it that i can't let go of my past? i try to be happy with my life now, but some problems just refuse to give up. sure, things are a lot better than they were a few years ago... yet i still feel utterly alone. the one event that managed to break through that feeling was all too brief and even though it's over and done, i can't shake the after effects. the mere sight of any couple is like a knife in my heart. does that make me weird? probably, and not in a good way. my life feels like walking through the ocean along the shore. every day i have to persuade myself to keep moving when what i want is some company for the journey. other people caused sorrow in my life, but in the end, i think it's all my fault. yeah, i got teased when i was little. stupidly. all because of one little bad habit that i couldn't break. and i wonder why... my mind is frozen. my soul is weak. my heart is breaking. i am alone. there is no help.

mmm, sarah spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would make it okay there's always one reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day i need some distraction oh beautiful release memory seeps from my veins let me be empty and weightless and maybe i'll find some peace tonight in the arms of an angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there so tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back and the storm keeps on twisting you keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack it don't make no difference escaping one last time it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees in the arms of an angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort here

it's alive, it's alive! woohoo, i finally got around to updating my web page design!