through a glass darkly

geek heaven i have a new computer! woohoo! *dance of joy* after all these years of that stoopid compaq... *grin*

pins and needlessness please please please, don't let septa go on strike. the rat bastards...

prayer of the public transportee now i lay me down to sleep i pray the lord my trolley to keep and if septa should strike before i wake i pray the lord their souls to take to hell. tech support follies it just so happens that there is this other co-op in my department now whom we hired in january (halfway through the co-op cycle). since he got hired through nepotism (he's related to a partner of the firm) and he does such a lousy job, we're pretty sure he got fired from his first co-op job, even though he says they "didn't need him anymore." all he does all day is surf the internet unless we come up with something to do. so, as the end of the co-op term nears, we decided we'd had enough. this morning, my coworkers added a hosts file to his c:\windows directory. this particular file contained a line that routes all proxy traffic (for external internet sites) to a different ip address that of course isn't running a proxy server. we then spent the entire day snickering behind his back as he desperately tried to get back to his yahoo fantasy sports teams. he even reimaged, which of course fixed the problem... until we "fixed" the problem. i've never had a more amusing day at work.

sigh why do i bother? does anyone ever listen?

o, canada with some regret for the sleep i’d be missing (an important commodity of late) i agreed when a friend invited me to join him and a few others on a trip to st. john, new brunswick, canada. the primary reason for the journey, which started on friday night in philadelphia at 7 pm and will hopefully end tonight around 10 pm, was to see the philadelphia phantoms play the st. john flames; this devotion to an ahl team has gotten us plenty of strange looks and raised eyebrows along the way. while the phantoms victory of 3-2 in overtime was certainly one of the highlights of the trip for me, i will defend the little sanity that i have by pointing out that hockey was not my sole motivation. i was delighted at the opportunity to tour a part of our neighboring country that i have never seen before. larry just wanted to see hockey. ;) it has been an immensely enjoyable trip. the natives of st. john were incredibly friendly, even after their narrow loss in one of the better hockey games i have had the pleasure to attend. while we did not have the time or energy to see much of the town, we did get to converse with the locals in the pub and at the hockey arena. between the gasps of surprise from those who checked our id or who, noting the phantoms paraphernalia and other signs that we were out-of-towners, asked about our point of origin the natives seemed pleased that we came to visit their city; they asked us about philadelphia and what we thought of st. john. the folks we asked for directions or suggestions on where to go for food and entertainment were amiable and helpful. i don't recall encountering anyone who was outright rude or mean with the possible exception of the guy at the hockey game who approached us for no reason to rattle on about nothing and the counter girl at tim horton’s who seemed displeased or unnerved at the four of us ordering together (larry says she was talking about us as she prepared the food). i was in turn confused by some of the looks she gave me during what seemed to me a not overly complicated order. i suppose it was just one of those things. during the game the fans were very respectful. it was rather amusing to be the only ones cheering when the phantoms scored. consequently there was only our small source of shouts of jubilation at the end of the game. the flames supporters were gracious in defeat, chatting with the phantoms fans in their midst as we made our way back through the connecting buildings to our hotel (grateful not to have to step out into the bitter night). this included a funny conversation with a group of young boys who approached us and asked to come back to philly with us (don't ask me why). after the game and an attempt to find a different place to eat, drink, and be merry we returned to tapps brewpub where we had lunch earlier in the day. we ended the day with the flying scotsman, a performer of celtic music along with other genres and his own compositions. he was often corny in his humor and rather longwinded but he was also an excellent musician. after we got back to the hotel, we all crashed for the night. around 3:30 am one of us was awakened by team members of the phantoms knocking on the door across the hall. as she stepped aside in the doorway they entered the room and woke the rest of us up as they talked. i opened my eyes to see hockey players in my room, but due to lack of sleep i promptly fell back into slumber. they invited us to the party, but c’est la vie. when you think you've had enough of this life during the trip i have achieved a certain calm in my mind, however it is not of the comforting sort. it feels born of loneliness, emptiness, and a dull ache in my soul, brittle and cold. one of my friends pointed out at lunch today that i was a pessimist. i started to disagree with him when i realized that he was right and what's more is i knew it. then i thought about why i didn't want to admit it. i don't want to be that person. i know i can be whiny, pessimistic, repetitive, and just plain rude. these qualities are not intrinsic to my personality but somewhere along the line they came to roost and i haven't been able to dislodge them since. things i say never come out the way i mean them. it seems i’m always tacking on some kind of apology and sometimes sorry isn't enough. it’s amazing that i have friends at all and i wonder how i will ever be able to make the connection to people that it seems i’ve been lacking for so long. r.e.m. sing the truth in "everybody hurts"* (which is where the title of this section is from, if you didn't recognize it). i know i’m not the only one in the world who feels this way but i’m not sure if i can follow their advice. i don't know how much longer i can hang on. p.s. i'm home safely (obviously, since i'm posting this) but i didn't want to rewrite the chronological perspective. * when your day is long and the night the night is yours alone when you're sure you've had enough of this life well hang on don't let yourself go cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes sometimes everything is wrong now it's time to sing along (when your day is night alone) hold on, hold on (if you feel like letting go) hold on if you think you've had too much of this life well hang on cause everybody hurts take comfort in your friends everybody hurts don't throw your hand oh, no don't throw your hand when you feel like you're alone no, no, no, you're not alone if you're on your own in this life the days and nights are long when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes and everybody hurts sometimes so, hold on, hold on hold on, hold on hold on, hold on hold on, hold on (everybody hurts you are not alone)